Advice for Teenagers from a Teen’s Perspective
Jaqi won’t be accepting any new requests for advice through the website in the near future. Being a typical American teenager, she has a lot going on in her life and, right now, she needs a break from the advice column.
Don’t worry… if you’ve sent in a question to Jaqi that hasn’t been answered yet, it will be. Stay tuned. (She’s just not taking new questions for now.)
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Heyy,
I’m 14 going on 15 in August. I’m currently dating someone who is 18 going on 19 in April. I really don’t see anything wrong with it but I know its illegal and my mom thinks me and him are close friends. I constantly talk to him on the phone and everything, she doesn’t mind.
I was just wondering, is it really wrong to be with him since hes 4 years older? I mean I know his little sister and some of his family, we’re not having sex at all or anything.
Most teens date kids their age because they’ll have more in common with each other. There’s nothing wrong with dating an older guy, but you really should tell your mom about him if your gonna keep dating him. It really isn’t right to keep it from her.
One thing to think about is how much the age difference will effect the relationship. He’ll be going off to college soon and you’ll still be in high school. That’ll make it really difficult to keep dating. If you dated someone closer to your age, you would see them more often.
I hope everything works out.
Hs&Ks,
Jaqi
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Hey Jaqi.
Okay so I’ve been having lots of personal issues and my parents started digging around in my stuff and found out. so now I’m seeing shrinks and stuff. anyway, i know it’s only fair that they try to control me more, but they are out of control! I’m not aloud to hang out with my friends, i don’t have an ipod, phone / phone privileges, and i only have supervised internet access. They also take some of my stuff that they decide is “inappropriate” like certain clothes and my hair dye (black). ugh. i just want my stuff back. and another problem. the guy i like (he likes me too) they absolutely hate. they found out about him by spying on my facebook!! so now i don’t have facebook either and they hate Zach (the guy). i have absolutely no idea what to do because no one will listen to me!!
Hey Elizabeth,
So first advice about the parents. Without more info, I’m not sure why your parents are acting this way, but it sounds like they’re probably worried about you. Try being more truthful with them about what is going on in your life; that will probably help them to trust you more. When they trust you they probably won’t be so controlling. Also if you try to get along with your parents everything will be easier for all of you. Talk things out with them calmly and honestly and that will probably help a lot. My mom and I used to fight all the time and we worked it out through conversations, not fights, but everyday talking.
About the guy, you should probably talk to your parents about him. Figure why they hate him so much. Does he have anything to do with the personal problems you’re having? Or maybe they just think he does. Or they think he’s a bad influence? If you think they are wrong about Zach and you really like him, maybe they can get to know him.
Good luck and I hope everything works out for you. Email me again if you want to talk.
Hs&Ks,
Jaqi
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Dear Jaqi,
i am having lots of problems…
first my best friend used to date this boy named Brandon, and i met him at the teen center.. and sometimes he hugs me and talks to me most of the time.. and i am having a major crush on him..he knows that i like him and i think he likes me back, but he already has a current girlfriend, what should i do?? and my next problem, is that my little sister and my mom always gets me mad once in a while and i have bad grades and my cell phone’s bill is too high. and i think its because my anger for my mom and little sister. what should i do?
Liking a taken guy is always a sucky situation to be in. Try to just be friends with him. Its not fair to his girlfriend if you both keep it up.
About your other problems, try your best to get along with your family. Usually it helps your grades if your home life is less of a challenge. Then if you get better grades and quit with the high phone bills you and your mom should get along better. Getting along with your parents is pretty important. They’ve been through a lot and are usually good people to go to for help.
Me and my mom used to fight all the time. It affected my school life (and grades) a lot. I realized it was ridiculous that we fought over such small things that were usually misunderstandings. One day I decided that when I got angry, instead of yelling, I would talk calmly to my mom so she would understand my point of view. Because I did that, my mom understood me better and was also less angry. Now that we know how to talk to each other - even when we’re mad - we get along.
Good luck with school and I hope you and your family work everything out.
Jaqi
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I am a 14 year old pregnant teenager, I haven’t told my parents yet. My boyfriend (my baby’s father) ran away……………. HELP ME!
Marien,
Topeka, KS
The first thing you should do is tell your parents that your pregnant. They’ll know what to do. They will be mad, but they will still love you and can help you. It’s best that you tell them so that you have a plan for when the baby comes. If I had to tell my parents I’d try my best to stay calm and explain to them my situation.
Also, when you start a relationship with a guy, you don’t want to skip straight to sex. It’s important to know that if a guy wants to rush into sex that might be all he wants. Those kinds of guys are usually the kind that run away from their pregnant girlfriend. I think the best way to test a guy is to tell him to wait a while. If he won’t wait, sex is all he wants; if he does wait but constantly bothers you about it, it’s all he wants; if he waits and respects your decision, then you’ve got a good guy.
Another thing… when you do find that right guy and decide to have sex… you need to use protection from now on. Not only does it keep you babyless but it keeps you STD-less which is a really good thing.
Good Luck with your parents and the baby,
Jaqi
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Dear Jaqi
I am 9 years old and my parents are getting divorced. how can I make them stay together?
Beverly from Queens, NY
Something every child should know is that their parents’ divorce is out of their control. It wasn’t caused by you, therefore, it can’t be fixed by you. You are unable to prevent this from happening, but if you want to help in some way, you can be supportive of your parents. You can spend more time with them and help out around the house when they’re stressed.
My parents decided to split up when I was 8 and it was very hard for me. Spending time with my parents is a lot of how I got through the divorce. I made sure that I still did the same things we used to do together with each of them. I watched movies with my dad and played games with my mom.
A divorce is a stressful and confusing time, if you keep an open mind and listen to what your parents have to say then that should help a bit.
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Dear Jaqi,
I want a tattoo. My dad says no way, but I am thinking I’ll get one anyway. What would you do?
Mark in Austin, TX
I would probably not get the tattoo. Mostly because I’m scared of getting an infection. If a tattoo parlor is cheap enough to let a teenager with no parental consent get a tattoo then they’re probably not the safest place to get one. If they’re that cheap theres more of a chance you’ll get an infection and then you’d have tell your dad.
I don’t know about you but I’d be scared to have to tell my dad I have an infected tattoo that I snuck out to get.
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