Advice for Teenagers from a Teen’s Perspective
Jaqi won’t be accepting any new requests for advice through the website in the near future. Being a typical American teenager, she has a lot going on in her life and, right now, she needs a break from the advice column.
Don’t worry… if you’ve sent in a question to Jaqi that hasn’t been answered yet, it will be. Stay tuned. (She’s just not taking new questions for now.)
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When i was eight years old my parents divorced. I used to be willing to do anything and talk to anyone i didn’t know without being nervous. after the divorce I switched to many different schools and got really shy.
The thing that is my problem is that I’m shy around boys. I have to get to know them a lot to open up more and I think i might have ruined it for myself a couple of times. I don’t know how to joke around with them without thinking that they may feel weird about it so sometimes i don’t even say anything until one of my girl-friends is there and im just too reserved now. I don’t like it. I want my old self back.
How do I open up even more without feeling scared?
Distressed,
You’re already on the right track by knowing what you want to change about yourself and why you feel the way you do. Understanding yourself is a big step!
My parents also divorced when I was around that age. It messed me up for a looonng time. One good thing that I used to do all the time when I was switching schools so often was to hang out with people a lot like me. If you have more in common with someone then it is soooo much easier to talk to them. Usually when you feel comfortable around a group of people, that boosts your confidence a lot.
Here’s something else that might help you a bit. Think of someone you admire, like your mother or your favorite character in a movie or book. Pick someone confident and fun, since those are the characteristics you are hoping to gain. Try to emulate this person. That usually helps you become more like who you want to be - used to be - because it is kind of like acting instead of trying to change yourself. The more you do it though, the more natural it becomes!
Good luck with the guys. I hope my advice helps.
Hs&Ks,
Jaqi
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Hi Jaqi!
I hope you can help me. I think there’s something wrong with me. I’ve liked boys for a long time but they’ve never liked me back. All my friends have had multiple boyfriends and first kisses, but not me. I think it’s because I’m not pretty, thin, athletic, or talented like the other girls. All I can do is draw. So now I’m really shy around boys because they’re mean to me. I want to be more likable and stuff, but I can’t change who I am. Please help me!
Thanks,
Rach
Hi Rach,
If you feel like you aren’t pretty, thin, athletic, talented or likable, do something for yourself to help change your self-image. The way you feel about yourself has a major effect on how everyone around you sees you and feels about you! For example, if you’re concerned about your figure, start eating healthy and exercising. We can’t all look like runway models, but most anyone can improve their figure by exercising.
If you don’t feel pretty, remember that everyone looks different, no one is the same. There are different kinds of pretty believe it or not. Some people have great smiles or great hair or pretty eyes. Draw attention to the parts of you that you like (with flattering clothes and make-up) and draw attention away from what you don’t like. Ask your mom or older sister to teach you how to use make-up if you aren’t already using it, but remember that you’re drawing attention to your best feature not your whole face.
Feeling good about the way you look builds confidence and that’s good for your personality (just don’t build too much confidence). Remember to be yourself because that’s really important; never pretend to be something you’re not.
I used to feel almost the same about myself and what others thought of me; these ideas helped me out. I hope they can help you too!
Hs&Ks,
Jaqi
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